.the.sun.my.frienemy.
[NOTE:I found this hilarious blog I posted 2 months ago... I forgot to publish it. So here it goes.]
Saturday morning. Driving to work. 8 AM. Still awake. Don't ask. I'm driving and the pathetic sun is just SHINING in my dry ass eyes! It was so bright from raising I couldn't even see anything in front of me. I had just crashed my car the night before... yes from drinking. And had to borrow my dads car to work. I had to find a quick pair of sunglasses and throw em on. Fuck did I ever look more cracked out. Shaky from no sleep and over consumption of crown royal. Last nights make up still on and I smell like cigz. So sexy I know. hahaha. I was freaking bad. All I could think was... "sun.. god damn you! If you had an effin' body I would SLIT YOUR fucking THROAT grrrr"
I finish up my day. By then I was dry heaving and shaking so hard with sickness. On the way home from work, a truck driver in front of me decided he would drive really slow. Like, "Hey... lets waste time by driving 40 km.. lets ponder about life.. ponder about my fat ass bitch of a wife or could it be me that made her hate herself so much she had a sex change and became a man?" Buddy... I was raging k. I KNOW he KNOWS he was pissing me off. Because I could see his EYES looking back at me in the rear view mirrors. And I swear.. I kept eye contact with him back. I did not blink. As I slowly pulled a giant hunters knife out from somewhere in the car... I don't wanna get to specific but for some reason I had a knife. One that kills like ♥giant moose's♥ and shit. Yeah one of those. I waved it in front of him so that he could fucking see I mean business! This is some serious ass shit going on back here.. and if you don't move your redneck car I'll make your neck red with blood!!! Suddenly the sun that was my enemy... caught itself in the knife and blinded the bastard. He couldn't see and suddenly swerved and crashed into a giant semi truck full of gasoline that happen to be parked on the side of the road..that we were passing.. yeah and then some innocent bystander...who was smoking threw his cig away and it accidentally blew up everything. Yeah.. like everything blew man.
Okay..the whole last part was a lie. Up to the cig part. But yeah.. that sun... could of been a friend after all. I tell ya. A friend after all.
*Frienemy - smiles to your face than spits on your name behind your back.
Saturday morning. Driving to work. 8 AM. Still awake. Don't ask. I'm driving and the pathetic sun is just SHINING in my dry ass eyes! It was so bright from raising I couldn't even see anything in front of me. I had just crashed my car the night before... yes from drinking. And had to borrow my dads car to work. I had to find a quick pair of sunglasses and throw em on. Fuck did I ever look more cracked out. Shaky from no sleep and over consumption of crown royal. Last nights make up still on and I smell like cigz. So sexy I know. hahaha. I was freaking bad. All I could think was... "sun.. god damn you! If you had an effin' body I would SLIT YOUR fucking THROAT grrrr"
I finish up my day. By then I was dry heaving and shaking so hard with sickness. On the way home from work, a truck driver in front of me decided he would drive really slow. Like, "Hey... lets waste time by driving 40 km.. lets ponder about life.. ponder about my fat ass bitch of a wife or could it be me that made her hate herself so much she had a sex change and became a man?" Buddy... I was raging k. I KNOW he KNOWS he was pissing me off. Because I could see his EYES looking back at me in the rear view mirrors. And I swear.. I kept eye contact with him back. I did not blink. As I slowly pulled a giant hunters knife out from somewhere in the car... I don't wanna get to specific but for some reason I had a knife. One that kills like ♥giant moose's♥ and shit. Yeah one of those. I waved it in front of him so that he could fucking see I mean business! This is some serious ass shit going on back here.. and if you don't move your redneck car I'll make your neck red with blood!!! Suddenly the sun that was my enemy... caught itself in the knife and blinded the bastard. He couldn't see and suddenly swerved and crashed into a giant semi truck full of gasoline that happen to be parked on the side of the road..that we were passing.. yeah and then some innocent bystander...who was smoking threw his cig away and it accidentally blew up everything. Yeah.. like everything blew man.
Okay..the whole last part was a lie. Up to the cig part. But yeah.. that sun... could of been a friend after all. I tell ya. A friend after all.
*Frienemy - smiles to your face than spits on your name behind your back.