.things.that.make.my.HEART.go.pop.POP!

It's around that time of the year, and we all know what that means. PRESENT TIME 4 Kimmie!!! Happy 25Th to me. UGH. Yeah, well because I know I am FIVE years to 30! Yes! Mutha fuckin' 30!!!
Things on my list of loves so far:
1. Balenciaga giant city in Magenta [so hot..only 2 grandish?]



"Fuck this bag
gives me a HARD ON!!!"

2. Alexander Mcqueen's satin darlings[and how about $740.00 later...]

3. A cute seal TAZER [only 195 volts... but whatevz... it WILL sting a fucker if I place it directly into his penis or into his eye!] 4. A teacup Kitten!! [but only from this AUTHENTIC and guaranteed website: ♥SMALLEST TEACUP IN THE WORLD♥]


"So whose got $5000.00 to blow?"

sigh...so many things...so little cash. LOL.

.Congrad-zies.My.little.baby.Huy!!!.

I can't believe my little cousin is ALL grown up... *sniffle. He is the last of our generation. Well, he was the youngest out of our family and he finally graduated... sigh.. Loan and Huy both agree that the next step is for me to have babies and of course I answered them with FUCK NO! Ew... babies. "I would feel violated if I had babies" In the words of Mariah Carey on her having babies. At least the bitch admits that she is way too obsessed with herself to love another human being. Let alone, a human being that was inside her womb for 9 months! Now that's a good mommy. Self awareness is always a good thing.

Anyways... I got off track again...as always. So yeah, I remember when we were all little, and my aunt would use not being able to see me, as THEIR punishment. Who'd ever think eh? Too bad I can't use that excuse now. hahha "listen, you can't... well see me let alone well ... chill out with me. You weren't being a good boy today. So into the cage you go...come on, don't do this to me again. Boy, Don't make me bust out the tazer...If just you stop struggling, this will go by faster then you think..."

Congratulations HUY! Loan and I and both our families love you so very much little guy! xoxo!

.Q.TIP.

I was browsing through my fotki albums to look for this picture that I took a few years ago. It was a pic of these two bums ready to bang behind a garbage dump, instead I found this old ass pic of a painting I did with a ♥Q TIP♥ man. Yeah a fucking Q tip!!! I'm pretty wicked. Too bad, I spend waaaaaay too much time writing nonsense on my blog and not practicing more painting. Hmm... uh.. um well yeah anyways I gotta go now. hahha.

.I.have.ROAD.RAGE.

Damn rights I do. These are the most annoying shiznat on the road EVER!
Pedestrians - I honestly could care LESS for them. I don't care if those fuckers have the right of way. Not when I am on the road. Not when I'm making left or right hand turns. NOT when it's flashing the stupid pedistrian walking sign crap. Listen mof, when my ass is the walking pedistrian, I run accross the street I don't take my sweet ass time, enjoying the shitty air and pondering about my effin life. I move my ass along. Because I KNOW how it feels! I hate to wait! And I assume everyone else is the same as well. LOL.
Slow drivers - What the fuck is the deal? Too old? New driver? ASIAN? WTF. Hurry the FUCK up. No one has all day like you do. Move it or get moved dipshit. I am the bitch behind you that honks and cuts people off. I am the bitch that throws things out of my window. Perferably orange juice in a glass bottle. I've done it before. And nothing wakes a slow ass mother fucker up than a glass bottle to the side door.
Other road ragers - Ok. I do NOT like competition. I sure as HELL do not like it on the road. I must WIN! And.. well they probably feel the same heat I'm feelin... So this can cause quite the tension on the road. Not cool.
Red lights - FUCK OFF!
The PUSSY a.k.a the soccer mom - The idiot that takes forever to make any turns. Your behind him/her, and you can see all the cars that are STILL literally sooooooooooooooooooo far away and she doesnt take the chance to go. What an stupid wuss. If I must sometimes I just drive around them and make my turns hahaha.
Those who bought their license illegally - You know this fucking asshole, somehow obtained their license illegally or by whatever means. Because they can't fuckign drive. Other then being immagrant a.k.a asian lol and being completely oblivious on the road. Your a douche. This is the asshole that waits for the red light to turn green when he is waiting to make legal right hand turns... YES. It's your go, as long as there are no cars so fucking GO already. UGH. If this person just happens to be in front of me, I will just honk my horn until they move it. haha.
The goof that doesnt let you in - Listen, your only going to get whereever the fuck that your going a few more minutes sooner. LET ME IN! Piece of shit. I always pray theres a loose bolt or something, and the wheel on their car flies off and then they crash into on coming traffic. Perferably a semi that just ran a red light and has no control to stop... and guess who can't save themselves? This dumb fuck.
Bitches who stare - Yeah I know my car is CRAP. And yeah stop comparing yourself to me bitch. We both know your ugly ass boyfriend thinks I'm hotter.
I only stop for the following:

1.1. Small children [ugh..the obligations of life]
2. Animals [OF COURSE!]
3. Old peeps [unless they r taking far to long to cross. Than I just drive around them]
4. Cute boys hahahhahaa [poor bee]
5. The handicapped [ALWAYS]
6. Wierd ass shit such as:

.FUCK.BLACKBERRY.

...SUCK MY DICK. If I had one, I'd pull it out and pretend to be generous. Like let you taste it. Then when you get on your knees bitch I'm going to smack you in the face with it and then kick your sorry face in with my heels. Strangely or should I say disgustingly... penis slapping and heels should be illegal to be in the same sentence eww or let alone on the same body. LOL.
ANYWAYS! Yeah I hate blackberry SOOOO much. Especially the piece of shit pearl. Well to be honest, I loveee blackberry. But I hate the Pearl the phone is absolute SHIT. This is the second fucking Pearl that has fucked up on me. I called Rogers today and bitched them out. Of course NOTHING is resolved. Inevitably I knew those goof's were going to tell me that I am just going to get a new berry sent out. But I tripped out anyways, because I had nothing better to do in that hour. Their data customer service who deals with my problem, happened to be closed. Not just the weekend. How about till Tuesday. It's Sunday today. That means so what, I don't get my fucking phone till Saturday?!??? Like UGH! I run my clients and my business off that goddamn phone. I have NO time for more phone screw ups. I'm sooooo annoyed. Like Jesus. While these fuck faces are spending the weekend jerking each other off, I'm sitting here wondering who is bb msging me, or f-bookin me since I never go on my actual page online. Who is tryin to call... text ... sigh.

You wanna know what the worse thing out of all of this is? I didn't even save a bunch of money on MY car insurance when I switched to GEICO. It's a fucking scam buddy... It's just a cover for herion laundering. It's the same rate on insurance for fuck sakes. You just get 8% off the herion if your a user and if your willing to drive the shit around, then they will work out a deal on your car insurance. WTF. HOW STINGY CHEAP! Fucking jewbrew mother fuckers. Nothing is free in life. If it's too good to be true. It's FAKE!

awww...

Other then shopping for 3 days strait. This really effin' cheered me right up. soooooooooooooo cute! I even made Lebster a Belated Birthday card as this as the front cover. LOL. it's kind of a cute friend card don't you think? With just a tiny bit of a phycho stalker infusion. But whatevz right? Best friends foreverrrrrrr. I love the cherry's face. So miserable haha. I love it too much. Especially the overly happy cherry's hand that is pointing upwards. So hopefull... so excited... for their future HA HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHH. Fuck. I still hope someone dies in a horrible car accident though. And lives, and finds out that the hand that was stuck between crunching metal has caused a horrible infection that will slowly eat away at their skin. And inevitably, taking their ueless life away. HAHAH. MAN I am tired. zzzZZz.. . .. I need sleep. Accupunture tomorrow morning... *super scared*....

.in.a.4.day.Nut.shell.

Err, I am not in a good mood. Like I have the most sour taste in my mouth. And probably the coldest monstrous jabbing feeling in my chest that I have ever felt before. No it is NOT LOVE related. Which is wonderful. Just a bunch of things piling up and on top of eachtother.. week after week of bad luck. I swear if I don't catch a break soon, I'm going to slit my wrist. HAHAH JUST KIDDING. I would NEVER do that. Than I wouldn't be able to wear those gorgeous dress's I bought today from Bebe. HAHHAHHA. Damn that store makes me feel so much better. At least I'm not FAT and WASHED UP. Anyways, here is a little thing that annoyed me.
Two nights ago, I have my usually insomnia bullshit. I'm up at 4 A.M laying beside Mike, bored and pondering about nothingness. Finally I decide to change my blackberry password. BTW: My passwords are always shaped into a ♥TETRIS♥ puzzle shape. YEAH YEAH! I'm a huge loser with way to much time on my hands. lol. Well I decide to change my p.w. Half asleep. Half alive. Morning comes, I am trying to call my boss to let her know I'm running a few minutes late. I can't remember my shitty p.w. OF COURSE!! I couldn't remember which shitty piece it was. Anyways, so the way B.B's work, if you put in the wrong p.w 10 times, it completely cleans and deletes all your info on that phone. Well, thankfully I had it backed up on my comp. Or else I'd be real PISSED. Like these bastards below:
<----- think these little fags are cute and super happy?! THINK AGAIN! I hate them. They are both ♥BOYS♥. Its not romantic. It's GROSS. I hope the blue one [Sprinkles] finds out he has AIDS because his boyfriend [Marbles the yellow L tetris] was cheating on him the whole time AND then on top of that, wasn't even considerate enough to use a condom while being ass fucked by ♥BRUTUS♥ from the men's briefs and boxers shop downtown. HUMPH! How rude!

Because of the phone effin' up. I missed so many client appointments and other crap ugh I was suppose to do. Poor Tammy!!!
On top of all that. This is what else that went on in a span of 3 days:
WRONG GLUE I use permanent adhesive glue for my effin lashes. It took me an hour to remove my lashes. After crying and ending up with raw red puffy red skin. EW.
GREEN FACED The lid was slightly off my self tanner. I put it on my face and was like...wtf. Why is my skin fucking green? Yeah. It oxidized in the bottle so it turned green. UGH. I was Kermit the frogs wet dream for an hour there. I had to scrub and scrub at my face. And ended up with raw red face and raw red eyes :(
CARROT CRAP We were recoloring my roots, well for some reason the wrong color was in the wrong box. Well, lets just say I ended up with ORANGE roots. YAH. I looked like a carrot grew legs and wings, flew on top of my head. And took a large ass dump. A big dump, the kind where you ate like full ass big man steak and bean meals or something. UGH! We fixed it, but sadly, it was probably even me who fucked up the inventory. UGH.
I DON'T NEED A SHOWERI drench my boss's client. He wasn't changed into a smock. So he walked out in his nice black buttom up shirt with a drenched wet back. UGH.
RETARDATIONrefer back to this I-V incident.
THE PEACED OUT NAIL I am spending mothers day at the in laws. And my acrylic toe nail decides to fall the fuck off in front of Mikes dad. How embarrassing. He was like "uh.. Kim I think you dropped something" hahah more like "uh.. wtf was that.Ur gross get out."
GET A LIFE Annoying ass people. People who cause useless drama over NOTHING. I have so many better things to do in life than CARE. Things like make money, or like go fuck my vibrator or take a dump or something. FUCK people please get a life already. Stop caring about mine, and start living YOURS. I can't believe I even wasted space or time writing that tiny bit. Cause it was a waste of time even writing it. THAT'S how much I give a rats ass.

Seriously, I wanna hurt someone SOOOO bad. SO bad. SOOOO FUCKIN BAD. ANYONE. But I can't because I am a big girl now. Big girls shouldn't go to jail or get blood on their pretty dresses or ruin their hair or nails.
Honestly, nothing beats retail therapy man. Nothing. Except falling in love. And I already achieved that. So all I got to do is make more cash and shop. LOL. Shop till I drop.

.look.it's.ME.

nataliedee.com HHAHHAHAHAHAH HAHAH AHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH hHHAHAH ... breath ...HAHHAHAHA fuck..so cute.. HAHAH sigh..where does she come up with this?? HAHHAHA..

finally. A comic about me.
SOOO fucking funny. From now on. My entire blog pics will most likely be ALL natalie dee shiznat. hahaha fuck. finally. Something that made me smile.

.I.swear.I.was.born.a.BLONDE.

I swear... sometimes I wonder about myself. And thats pretty bad. haha. These are some blonde moments for sure:
ALLSOME I thought Awesome was spelt like ALLSOME. WTF is wrong with me? I had taught my T9 to spell it like that too. So I never thought anything of it. One day Lebster was like "ahah Kim your so funny. You spelt awesome like this" and showed me an old text I had sent him. I was like "uh... no it's spelt like that." he looked stunned and got all serious and was like "no really Kim, its not." well fuck. I looked it up and was like omg I'm mentally retarded. I texted all my friends and asked them if they had noticed too. Well to my surprise, they all replied with the same thing: Kim we thought you were just being cute or something. UGH wtf! haha

I'M STROKED I use to say Stroked instead of stoked. UGH. "OMG I'm soooo stroked!" NOT!!! I am fucking totally NOT ever again. Now when ever I saw I'M STOKED everyone replies with "don't you mean your stroked?" UGH.

WHERE'S KERMIT? I once asked where Kermit the fucking frog had been all these years. "Like what ever happend to that guy?..." Mind me I was high as a kite on trees(thanks to lebs)The look on both the guys faces will never leave my mind. I quickly said "nevermind don't answer that!" hahah too late! Mike said Kermit was smoking crack and fell down pretty hard. Lebs said business wasnt good so now he's driving cabs around to make extra cash. Well you get the point. And NO it did not stop there.. fucking guys went on and on and on....

THE BUMPY OBJECT Or how about the time I was dropping my car off at my gf's house. I drove over something, didnt think too much of it... I parked and left. Well, my gf told me they saw something wedged under my pumper* a.k.a my car. They pulled it out from under, and it read: DO NOT PARK! lmao. I parked on a no parking sign. Hilarious.

I-V!!! Fuck, I feel like it's an on going thing. Yesterday I was standing in line at Rogers video with Mike, and I looked over and saw Grand theft auto 4. UGH, and in front of 15 other people also standing in line behind us. I'm like "look baby, Grand theft auto I V!" FUCK! Mike looks down at me and he had such a funny smile on his face. He replies "um,actually its grand theft auto 4. Um, I-V, is actually a roman numeral... but yeah babe its all good" HAHHAh I am soooo embarrassing. I covered my face in his chest and was soooo embarressed. I wanted to crawl into a dark hole and die. Wanna know something even more stupid? I was like "no baby! it's 6 not 4!" hahahha fuck I am such a ditz.

Yep, and believe me there are many more. I will have to stop here.

*pumper=1989 blue firefly [so ALLsome this car was so effin old & crappy, someone actually came and posted a note on my car saying: "FOR CHEAP TRASH REMOVAL CALL HERE ###-####" I was like omg... this is my car. I am still driving this damn thing!]

.any.boys.out.there....

...or young virgins who ever wanted to know what ejaculation a.k.a cum/jizz/man load tastes like? Well here's your chance to quench that curiosity once and for all. If you haven't already. SICKOS!!!
YOU GOT IT! Listerine whitening mouthwash taste like --------------->> JIZZ. EWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Don't even throw that "how do YOU know what cum taste like?" comment at me or I'll smack that grin off your face. LOL.
HOW? Well, I'm at my cousins house. The little bastard was like "oh.. you totally gotta try this new mouth wash... It taste sooooo amazing." So of course I was already super suspicious. So I decide to go for it. And my first reaction was: omg.. disgusting. WHO THE FUCK JIZZED IN HERE??? Then my second reaction was: omg...WHY and WHOSE JIZZ???
WHY? Well, little fucker discovered that it tasted like cum and decided to play a trick on me too. She was laughing her face off, and told me it was just the mouth wash. And well, after swearing for five minutes strait and threatening her with "you better not be fucking with me" it got really exciting from then on. Of course we invited our men pals over. Tricked them into trying it and then screaming out "THAT'S RIGHT FUCKERS! NOW YOU KNOW WHAT CUM TASTE LIKE MUAHHAHAHAH YOU FAGGOT!" HA HAHAHHAHAH .. it feels so damn good. Real damn good I tell ya.
GOOD LAUGHS:Now that you know this. Get out there ladies, gentlemen and the sexually confused... go trick your dad. That would be funny. AWESOME!
FUN FACTS:apparently I am not the only one who thinks so either ♥Cum sucking SLUTS!♥ HAHHAHA [extra extra!! This is also a good test to find out if your man pal is really a secret closet queer hahaha ENJOY!!]

.O.M.F.G.

This was damn creepy!
Try this: ♥ONE MINUTE OUT OF UR LIFE♥
Thanks to Ryan the freak! HAHHA he says he can never sleep again, until he figures out the power behind it all. LOL.

.the.details.of.my.life...

...are quite inconsequential.
but... I will share with you anyways a little about myself.

Where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it....
To be honest, that wassn't my life. Too bad though... Sounds much more exciting then the life I had growing up. haha. I actually took that from :♥DR.EVIL♥ a.k.a :♥Austin Powers movie♥.

Meat helmets are sexy. Who the eff wouldnt want a ♥HELMET MADE OF MEAT♥?